Welcome to WrestleMcMahonia

Talk some sense into him, Shane.

Sunday night saw the WWE put on their grandest show of them all- Wrestlemania. I may sound like Stefon from Saturday Night Live- but it had everything.

Ladders. Tables. New championship belts. Legends. Moments that left you speechless. Great wrestling. Poor wrestling. 

And off-screen behind the scenes, there was an older gentleman pulling the strings behind a curtain a la The Wizard of Oz, paying no attention to those who voice their displeasure. It may be called Wrestlemania, but I refer to it as WrestleMcMahonia since it all boils down to what Vince McMahon- and only McMahon- wants.

Heck, even ESPN acknowledged the faux sport with all-day coverage courtesy of former WWE personality Jonathan Coachman on site, and his Sportscenter peers back in Bristol. The show was hyped up to be the biggest of the year, even with the rash of injuries that had severely depleted the card and forced WWE in to certain booking decisions. On a night where even the most sour of wrestling fans could find something to cheer for, the end left the majority of the WWE Universe with a bad taste in their mouths.

Ever since the 2015 Royal Rumble in Philadelphia, a good amount of fans have showed their disdain for current champion Roman Reigns. WWE even sent out long-time fan favorite Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to give Reigns the rub. As this photo shows, it had little to no effect. And if The Rock can't sway a crowd to like you, who or what will? 

Despite the fervent negative reactions to the company pushing the young star to the moon, Vince McMahon continued on his desired course. Instead of adjusting on the fly like a year earlier with Daniel Bryan as champion, McMahon refused to listen to the internet wrestling community. (If you don't know who comprises that section of the wrestling world, here's a hint: you, me and anyone else discussing or reading about wrestling online.) The IWC used to have a stigma of being made up of solely those of the 18-40 male demographic- but with the dawn of Twitter and the 24/7 coverage of wrestling, the IWC has grown exponentially from casual fan to the most expert of wrestling analysts.

Wrestlemania 31 ended on a far different note than Sunday's 32. (newsready.org)

WWE did manage to surprise fans at Wrestlemania 31 when Seth Rollins cashed his Money in the Bank briefcase to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. The parting shot of Rollins raising the WWE title over his head as fireworks went off left fans wondering what was next. To say Sunday's final result was rather underwhelming would be an understatement.

With long-time company flagbearer John Cena at thirty-eight years old, Vince McMahon is in dire need of a replacement. 

Reigns is looked at as Cena's successor. While in 2014 fans were digging this possibility, McMahon's forcing of Reigns on the audience has left them -at best- indifferent to the former Shield member. For the better part of 2015 and all of 2016, Reigns has been met with incredible levels of rejection not only from the IWC, but also live crowds. The go-home show (final show before a special event) to 'Mania 32 in Brooklyn was significantly telling. Instead of being on full display for the fans, Reigns was kept mostly backstage in segments. His opening monologue was kept short and sweet to soften the blow of the arena's dislike. He was even attacked by the Dudley Boyz and HHH. The final segment which was a brawl between the two was no different, despite an impressive outside dive by Reigns onto a mass of wrestlers.

All week, I wondered how the WWE could make this main event interesting. It was too late to insert Dean Ambrose and Brock Lesnar into it. And they even tried making it a "No Holds Barred" match mid-week to garner more interest. They had only one logical decision in my mind: make Reigns a bad guy, and channel the negative reactions he elicits into something positive. Like "goody two shoes" Rocky Maiva in 1996, turn a new leaf and see what happens. Ironically enough, use the former Rocky Maiva as the vehicle for this turn. Simply have him show support like he had at the 2015 Rumble, then Reigns lays him out.

Did WWE take this course of action similar to Steve Austin's turn at Wrestlemania 17? 

Nope. Instead of giving fans something intriguing to discuss for tomorrow's RAW, the company forged ahead with their plan as Reigns playing the top babyface. To make matters even worse, the championship bout went on last. HHH and Reigns delivered a main event worthy of a RAW or even a lesser event- but for the "show of shows"? Not even close. The crowd sat on their hands for the entirety of it, only getting up briefly for Reigns' accidental spear of Stephanie. The reactions were Goldberg/Brock Lesnar Wrestlemania 20 bad. Instead of leaving fans wondering what could happen tomorrow on RAW, all we were left with was "see Roman and Charlotte Flair on the 'Good Morning Show' tomorrow."

WWE could have made history at Wrestlemania by repeating it. (nerdchairshot.wordpress.com)

On a night where WWE proved it could surprise us (Ryder winning the Intercontinental title/HBK, Foley, Austin, Rock and Cena returning/ Corbin winning the Battle Royal), it chose the status quo for most of the card- most noticably its two highest-billed match-ups.

The second match of the night saw AJ Styles face Chris Jericho for the fourth time. With Styles' impressive crowd reactions and rumors of Jericho riding off into the sunset again, Styles was a lock to win- right? Wrong. Jericho came out the victor in decisive fashion.

The WWE even began anew with the Divas division, christening them with the fresh Women's Championship. It was decided by Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks and Becky Lynch. I pegged Banks to lead the new charge. Wrong again. Charlotte came out the victor.

The Rock returned, interrupted by the Wyatt Family. The Wyatts would finally look like a threat and move up the ladder for once. Wrong. The Rock ran them down and beat Erick Rowan in an impromptu in six seconds.

Shane McMahon's shocking return to television a few weeks ago had fans at a fever pitch with the brand new possibility of something fresh- anything but the same Authority storyline beaten to death since 2013. He came back in impressive fashion with claims he held dirt on his old man and demanded control of RAW. With his son having leverage over him, Vince did what anyone in an inferior position would do: schedule a match between his blackmailer and one of his longest-tenured employees (The Undertaker). Shane (the one in a position of power in this scenario) was to defeat The Undertaker if he wanted control of RAW. If Undertaker had lost, he would have to retire. Before we go any farther, let us count the holes in this storyline.

1. What exactly did Shane have on Vince?
2. Why only RAW and not the entire WWE?
3. Why would Shane agree to this almost certain loss if he had leverage?
4. Why would face Undertaker do heel Vince's bidding? Wouldn't this make Undertaker a heel by association?
5. Why did Undertaker let Vince call him a b*tch with no rebuttal?
6. If the Authority were to be ousted, why was HHH never involved in any of these segments to show concern for his faux job?

I can't answer those specific plot holes, but to answer the entire scenario: because Wrestlemania. With a depleted roster and a need for a quick fix, Vince decided to add this surreal match-up to a card that lacked mainstream appeal. SHANE MCMAHON. THE UNDERTAKER. HELL IN A CELL. THE FUTURE OF THE WWE RAW. THE FUTURE OF UNDERTAKER.

"Screw logic, I want viewership," Vince must have thought.

The lack of depth in writing was masked by a stipulation on the grandest stage, with all sorts of spots (most of which Shane came out on wrong side of). Yes, we'll remember Shane's legitimate 20-foot dive through the announce table for years to come, but does it matter in the grand scheme of things? McMahon with all his heart and courage came out the loser, and the Authority still controls RAW. Reigns is still the good-guy champion.

Wrestlemania 32 had the chance to be something special. It vies for mainstream appeal and publicity, so it can't be everything to everyone. But if it's intention is to kick off the new "season" for WWE, it failed miserably. For all the talk of NXT and envisioning a bold new world, nothing will change if Vince McMahon continues to hold on to the past with nostalgia at every turn. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, Vince McMahon is certifiably insane.

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TIME I$ MONEY

Money waits for no one, and neither does Conor McGregor.

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog." - Mark Twain

We associate Twain's famous quote with the vision of a scrappy underdog trying to fight to survive against insurmountable odds. We envision a David versus Goliath scenario. In most cases, that imagery rings true.

Conor McGregor is no underdog these days- but it's the size of the fight in him that is admirable. And it directly relates to the size of his wallet as well.

Some may get turned off to McGregor's brash nature. He has a willingness to verbally come up to the line, cross it and kick dirt over it with a smile on his face. McGregor may say things that offend some- but in a world where people back track all the time and never truly say how they feel, it's very refreshing.

The trouble with people who talk as much as McGregor does is that they can't possibly back up their claims. People were rubbed the wrong way when Chael Sonnen came in with his pro-wrestling inspired promos to boost hype for his Anderson Silva and Jon Jones fights. It worked, too- up until it didn't. Sonnen dominated Silva for twenty-four minutes and forty-two seconds. Then came the triangle he'll never forget. For all intents and purposes, that was the beginning of the end of Sonnen's relevance.

Yet, the 27 year old McGregor has done so time and time again against elite competition. He's an impressive 19-2 and riding a 15 fight win streak (7-0 in the UFC). His bold predictions against Jose Aldo and Chad Mendes proved not to be empty promises. And while you may not like him, you must respect his abilities.

What likely frustrates many of McGregor's foes in the UFC is not only his endless smack talk, but the fact no one has found answers on how to shut him up. While it may madden some, the hunger to be the one to defeat " The Notorious One" is motivation enough. This wasn't more evident than earlier this week when McGregor and his opponent at UFC 196- Nate Diaz- were talking to CNBC's Rachel Wells via satellite.

The interview was right up Connor's alley: all about the Benjamin's. He's just as happy to discuss all facets of his financial status (well, outside of his net worth as seen in the video) as well as answer anything related to fighting. But the same can not be said for Diaz, who looked about as comfortable as Barack Obama at a Donald Trump rally. The two had been run ragged over the media circuit throughout the week. Just as much as McGregor trains to go deep into his fights, he was far more conditioned to handle the media responsibilities more so than the short-fused Diaz.

Yet this fight never had to happen. McGregor's previous opponent, lightweight champion Rafael Dos Anjos pulled out of their scheduled UFC 196 clash due to a broken foot from training. Had he won, McGregor would have been the UFC's first ever dual champion. Without a chance at securing that historical feat, Connor had no legitimate reason to accept any other fight and risk his hot streak or drawing power. But it's that size of fight in the Irishman that couldn't let him pass up an opportunity to put on for his fans- and add to his bank as well.

Speaking of size, that's all the more reason to respect McGregor's decision. He had been cutting to 145 and looked rather gaunt at times at weigh-ins. Despite the drastic cut, the Irishman still dominated his foes. Now that he is fighting at Diaz's weight, he doesn't look gaunt at all. He looks plenty healthy and very happy. That's a scary thought heading into this fight. If I'm Diaz's camp, I'm worried.

Time is money, and while he could have sat around and rested on his laurels, McGregor knew that time could be better spent adding to his legacy. He stands to earn around $1 million for Saturday's bout, the highest purse ever for a UFC fighter. And that doesn't include bonuses, either. When asked by Wells how much he plans to rake in overall, Connor estimated he'd "breeze past $10 million".

It'd be easy to say the loud mouth champion is just in it for the riches and fame. While that may ring true, Connor McGregor has shown immense appreciation for his fanbase at home and in the United States as well. His recent run in with a fan in Los Angeles is proof The Notorious One doesn't take them for granted:

The twenty-seven year old out of Ireland hasn't lost since 2010, and none of his wins in the UFC have seen him go past the third round, either. Six out of seven of McGregor's wins inside the octagon have seen him finish his opponent handily, too. If there's one thing Dana White loves, it's fighters who finish fights.

McGregor's mouth might writes the checks, and his impressive striking arsenal cashes them. He's no smoke and mirrors act, either. His dynamic fighting style isn't just from raw talent or athleticism. The work ethic is there, and that drive to see the big picture even beyond fighting keeps McGregor hungrier than ever.

 "The more you seek the uncomfortable, the more you will become comfortable." - Connor McGregor

We have seen it many times in boxing where dream fights are made too late- or not made at all- causing an uproar among fight fans. Whether it's up to the ego of the promoters or fighters, viewers are the ones who end up the victims. The UFC and Dana White do their damndest to put the best product out for fans, and even that can't overcome fighters' egos at times. The most unfortunate of scenarios saw Jon Jones' refusing to fight a very game Chael Sonnen end up in the cancelling of UFC 151.

Dana White was fuming at the time would be an understatement: 

"Jon Jones said I'm not fighting Chael Sonnen on eight days' notice'. A world champion turned down a fight- that's never happened."

 "He's a f***ing sport killer." 

(via bloodyelbow.com) 

Look no further than the very same UFC 196 card to see another premier champion (Holly Holm) with the same fighting spirit. After Ronda Rousey made waves about a fighting hiatus, rumor had it that she wouldn't be ready at the earliest until UFC 200 in the summer. Sure, Holm could have waited until then to cash a huge paycheck even with a loss- but the long break from fighting was not ideal for the UFC Women's Bantamweight champion. She puts her belt and future earnings at risk at UFC 196 against a game Miesha Tate.

Like automobiles, the human body is constantly depreciating. Even with the best diet and training, time is against us all. Both Holm and McGregor realize this, and are making the most of their careers.

You can continue to bash McGregor if you'd like. I doubt it bothers him.  But while you might be waiting to see who knocks him off his supposed high horse like Holly Holm did to Ronda Rousey, appreciate not only the greatness that is The Notorious One- but the transparency and willingness to be a true fighting champion.


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Super Bowl 50: The Fairy Tale vs. Destiny

The final game of the NFL season is just about here. It's Super Bowl 50, and just like a library- we aren't short of any narratives.

It's the Denver Broncos versus the Carolina Panthers.

The league's best offense led by the NFL MVP against a top ten Denver defense.

A record-setting legendary quarterback in what could be his last stand at championship greatness against a top ten Carolina defense.

Let all the dust settle, and the story that sticks is simple: fairy tale versus destiny.

Manning came to Denver in 2012 already a legend. Some doubted his arm strength at the time, and worried about his missed year due to neck surgery. The shadow of John Elway not only loomed because of number seven's two Super Bowl wins,but also because Elway is the general manager of the Broncos. While Manning stepped in right away and was a heartbeat away from taking his Broncos to the Super Bowl that year, the window for another ring was closing.

The next year saw Manning go one game farther, but come up short in a 43-8 blowout few expected when the league's best offense (Denver) faced the league's top defense (Seattle).

That had to be it, right? Not so fast. The next season saw Manning toss 39 scores with a very potent offense. But he came up short again to the his successor in Indianapolis, Andrew Luck.

Now in a roller coaster of a season, number eighteen isn't a sure thing like he once was. Numbness and an arm affected by injuries plague Manning, causing him to miss half the season. Brock Osweiler stepped in admirably and looks like the team's future. But while Manning may be looked at in general as a relic of sorts and a shell of his former self, he is Denver's present. For how long remains to be seen. Manning's football IQ is still there, and that along with the team's defense is what has gotten Denver so far. The team's path has been as certain or guaranteed  like previous seasons under Peyton, which gives them more of an underdog feel. Having him win one last Super Bowl on his last legs similar to Elway would be impressive and only add to his legacy. Riding off into the Denver sunset with the Super Bowl trophy would truly be a fairy tale, and even a pipe dream to some.

On the flip side, the Newton-led Panthers seem to be destined for greatness, but not right away. To have the regular season at 15-1 they did, and an MVP for number one and NOT win the Super Bowl would be seen as coming up short. There is no consolidation for not finishing strong after starting off so hot.

Don't like seeing this? Then stop him from scoring.

The franchise hasn't been to a Super Bowl since their loss in 2003 when Jake Delhomme was behind center. Even that appearance seemed more like a fluke more than anything. The 2015-16 Panthers definitely belong.

Coming into the season, expectations weren't too lofty for Carolina. The division was poised to be Atlanta's, even before Kelvin Benjamin was lost to injury. A sub-.500 record seemed par for the course, and anything more than that would be overachieving. Newton responded to the adversity by putting the team on his back offensively, making his teammates around him even better than previously thought. 45 total touchdowns (35 passing, 10 rushing) along with 4,473 yards offensively launched Carolina into the league's elite. People would wait until they lost that first game. As each week passed and the Panthers kept proving people wrong, they turned from overachievers to achievers of greatness.

That first loss would come to Atlanta on December 20th (20-13). It wasn't only surprising but dumbfounding. If Carolina does win the Super Bowl, their only blemish will have been to the 2015-2016 Atlanta Falcons?! That hurts me, and I'm not even a Carolina fan.

While the two signal-callers don't literally face each other, the symbolism is there. The two quarterbacks' styles and paths may differ, there is one narrative not present: good versus evil.

 "Let's quit it with all the 'black quarterback' talk."

Both Manning and Newton come off as strong presences, whether on the field or behind a microphone. Both have their share of endorsements. Newton has "the dab". Manning has, well...no cute celebration. Some may frown on Newton's celebrating and view them as antics, but there is nothing wrong with them.

Football is a game engulfed in raw emotion. Some celebrations may be deemed excessive at times, while others are just letting loose after a great play. Long gone are the days of planned celebrations from Joe Horn and Terrell Owens. Hell, even something as simple as Antonio Brown humping a goal post drew a fine from Goodell and company.

But Newton's dance moves have been on full display this season, mainly because of how often he has reached the endzone. The former Auburn field general has made defenses full of talented, grown men look inferior. The first thing you hear when players get to the NFL is how fast it is. How scrambling quarterbacks like Michael Vick, Tyrod Taylor, RG3 and a handful of others have to adjust to the speed of the game. Newton used not only his speed, but his smarts and his arm to befuddle defenses week in and week out.

Bent out of shape over "Lights, Cameron, Action"? Then stop him. He's challenging defenses constantly. And if watching him have fun and enjoy the moment hurts defenses and fans of those teams so much, it's more an indictment on their level of play than it is on Cam's character.

And while we're at it, let's quit it with all the "black quarterback" talk. Yes, Cam Newton is black. But while you can celebrate his culture and what he stands for, he shouldn't be relegated to being known only as a "black quarterback". He's simply a quarterback, and a great one at that. The media's obsession over it is mind-numbingly stupid. How do you get rid of race discussions?

Stop talking about it. 

There's so much to love about this matchup. To focus on trivial things takes away from that.

Super Bowl 50 will come down to two things: the pressure Carolina's defense puts on Manning, and how Denver's defense adjusts to Newton. If Manning gets time and his receivers get open, it will be competitive. If he doesn't get protection, eighteen will be in for a long day and remind everyone about the Seattle disaster from two seasons ago. But even if Manning struggles, the "abort" button won't be easily accessible. Pulling the parachute on one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time in what may be his last chance at winning the pinnacle of the sport? Yeah, right. Manning could throw eight picks in the first quarter and Gary Kubiak will look like this:

The Broncos can't stop a multi-threat quarterback like Newton, but they can try and contain him. Easier said than done. While having an impressive season, I see Denver finding no answer for Newton's abilities to improvise and keep plays alive- and that's hoping Newton's initial looks break down. I see Carolina winning, 38-27.

Carolina is favored to win and may be destined to do so. But Newton likely is not taking this opportunity for granted. Manning has been here before. While his body may be betraying him, his desire to win is still there. We either mark the beginning of Newton's legacy tonight, or watch Peyton ride off into the sunset on a majestic Bronco.

Just not in one, like OJ.



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The Road to Recovery

Johnson in his last professional stint as part of the Green Bay Blizzard (left); Johnson in his first year as a pro with the Wyoming Cavalry (right)

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty. I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
- Theodore Roosevelt

The journey to achieve one's dream no matter the path in life is never a straight line. There are ups, downs and all-arounds. If there's one person who knows the struggle to succeed, it's Ricardo Johnson. The former Graceland University receiver has had his own roller coaster of emotions over the last few years leading to his current return to football this spring.

Knowing Ricardo over the last few years, it's easy for me to look beyond the numbers and see a guy who is hungry to prove himself on the gridiron again. Johnson's pro career began when he was signed by the Salina Bombers out of Kansas, then shortly after he was brought on with the Wyoming Cavalry. As an IFL rookie, he snagged 59 catches for 541 yards and 9 touchdowns:

"We had a good offense in Wyoming. The coaching staff was excellent. We aired it out a lot I remember."

Ricardo showed glimpses of what he could do, making the arena wall his friend on more than one occasion with impressive grabs. His next chance would take the Maryland native to Green Bay, Wisconsin to play for the Blizzard. He'd only tally 2 catches for 16 yards before succumbing to an injury.

It's the fall, and Ricardo is wrapping up his rehab for an injured patella tendon having started in June. It was a partial tear.

"It had been bothering me for a while, then it finally gave out when I was running routes one day," Johnson told me.

The injury forced him to miss the rest of the season. The chance to step back on the field is one Johnson has been anticipating for a long time.

"I wasn't myself. Not playing or even practicing and watching the games messes with you. It feels better than it had. I'm getting stronger every day and working on lateral movements as well as my speed. The confidence is coming back."

That confidence can be attributed to Johnson's trainer, Coach Steel. Speed training is big, and Steel helps Johnson with his all-around technique and training every day. Each morning begins at 9 am for Johnson with speed drills. His route-running is in the afternoon, three times a week.

Johnson's journey has taken him from Iowa, to Kansas and Wisconsin and back to Maryland. Currently the former Jacket is training hard in Miami for his upcoming season with the San Angelo Bandits of the CIF.

"My coach from Green Bay, Meadow Lemon, was the general manager for the Portland Thunder last year. He knows my style, and had a close relationship with my agent."

Johnson's agent is Erik Echols out of Extreme Sports Management in Millersville, Maryland. The duo have been together for two years, forming a strong relationship.

"He keeps me in the loop on everything and really works hard."

Ricardo is also familiar with San Angelo's quarterback, Chris Mitchell. The two worked together in the offseason with the Louisiana Swashbucklers of the PIFL. Johnson would leave before the season began, playing three games with the Philadelphia Soul of the AFL as a practice player.

Johnson's primary focus has been route-running, practicing at Soccerdom in Landover, Maryland. Part of his motivation has been Leo Brown who will be part of the Blizzard this upcoming season.

"Leo went to school with my sister. He's a defensive back with a good sense for the ball and schemes. He'll be able to learn from one of the best DB's in the IFL, Jamie Bender."

Another valuable person for Ricardo has been Anttonio Brown. No, not that Antonio Brown. It is spelled with two "t's". The former Virginia University of Lynchburg standout reached out toe Johnson after signing with the team last year.

"We had similar friends, so I wanted to form a bond with Ricardo," Brown said. "We got really right and can joke or talk about anything. But when it comes to training, there's definitely competition."

Brown noticed Johnson's progress.

"He doesn’t think he's where he wants to be. About two weeks ago, I could see him getting his stride back. Speed training alone is progress. Trust the process. Hes still trying to get comfortable, but it's coming along. Its in God’s hands."

Those are pretty good hands to be in. Ricardo places his faith in God just as he hopes Mitchell will place the ball in his hands many times over this upcoming season. 

 "I prayed every day. God doesn't make mistakes. My setback was all for a comeback. I want to lead the league in yards and receptions. I want to be the best receiver in the league. Most importantly, I want to get a championship for Coach Lemon. I want to thank Green Bay for helping me through my injury."

While in Miami, Jonson works with his friend from Wyoming, Samuel Charles. Charles played for the AFL's Spokane Shock. The Shock receiver and Ricardo bonded over their injuries, as Charles had just come off LCL surgery. 

"He's like a brother to me," said Johnson. 

Charles me be like a brother to Ricardo, but his immediate family comes first. He has two little brothers and two sisters. Johnson's dad, Michael has been a guiding light for the twenty-eight year old. 

"He's very supportive. He reiterates I should never take anything for granted. It can be taken away from you like that. Just things as simple as walking and running I'll never take for granted again since I know how hard it is to come back from injury. I'll be hungrier than ever before."

Ricardo's confidence is back as is health. His voracious appetite to be great and insatiable work ethic makes it him a force to be reckoned with this spring with the San Angelo Bandits. 

Eat up, Ricardo.

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The Blizzard 2016 Running Diary

8:22 AM: A little more than a dusting covers the ground while a harsh wind permeates the air. It may not be here yet, but this is all I can think of:

8:45 AM: Yep, still nothing substantial.  Despite this, Virginia drivers prove they still have no clue how to drive when merely threatened by bad weather. Thursday's inch was only a preview:

In their defense, roads were not prepped at all.

9:38 AM: At the grocery store, a customer pulls out their checkbook a midst a massive line that borders on a mob. I hit their checkbook out of their hands and add a Dikembe Mutumbo finger wave as I mouth, "no". They look at me astonished, and the rest of the shoppers look at me as a hero.


10:03 AM: Customer: Do you have ice melt?

Me: No.

10:04 AM: Customer: Do you have ice melt?

Me: Non.

10:05 AM: Customer: Do you have ice melt?

Me: Nein.

10:06 AM: Customer: Do you have ice melt?

Me: Ne.

(Repeated that dialogue 500 more times over the course of the next few hours.)


1:01 PM:  According to my sources*, it is, in fact, snowing.

*58 girls over Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Reports indicate the scene outside is " a winter wonderland," "OMG so pretty", "totes adorbs" and  "what I've been waiting for all winter". Those in the field are battling such conditions by drinking their favorite beverage while under a soft blanket and watching Netflix.

3:08 PM: Finally home, I binge watch the rest of Making a Murderer. I feel fully capable that I could represent a wrongfully convicted person in the court of law.

::looks into law schools online::

3:10 PM: If I see one more photo of a yardstick....

3:13 PM: The news confirms everything we already know. I have prepared my own advice for you to avoid watching the redundant newscasts:

3:34 PM: Neighboring child rings doorbell.

Child: Do you want to build-

Me:

4:13 PM: According to my sources* in Florida and Texas, it is, in fact, not snowing there.

* Friends via social media with such groundbreaking updates like "don't miss Virginia" and "No snow here".

 8:13 PM: Time for the first round of shoveling. Bundled up with the mobility of the Michelin Man, I am ready to do this.

8:16 PM: I am in no way prepared to do this.

8:17 PM: So THIS is why people have kids.

8:18 PM: ::Looks at flamethrowers on Ebay::

8:24 PM: ::Prays a full Rosary::


8:23 PM: Back outside, a neighbor waves to me. Cannot make eye contact, or the guilt to assist them will weigh heavily on my soul.

8:24 PM: ::Makes eye contact:: Shit.


8:24 PM:  ::assists overly talkative neighbor::

::contemplates burying self in snow to end it::

::contemplates burying neighbor in snow to end it::


8:34 PM: I can't feel my face when I'm with you, because we're shoveling. #thisweekend

8:45 PM: Finishes assisting without committing homicide.

9:13 PM: I have now been away from my phone for a full hour. ::scratches neck nervously:: ::trembles::

9:38 PM: Round one is complete. But this may be how I die. ::hops on WebMD::

9:54 PM: Concludes it is just a back spasm and not imminent death. Self medication includes Icy Hot and alcohol.

10:03 PM: I've seen so much white while shoveling, I can't even look in the mirror for the rest of the weekend.


*More updates as they become available.



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Johnny Depp "Kills It" in Black Mass

If there had been one criticism of Johnny Depp in recent years, it was that his selection of roles was, at times, questionable. It's hard to bring to mind the last time he was truly compelling and able to get the audience lost in his character. He was a riot in 21 Jump Street's remake a few years back, though.

But Depp had to an extent become an avante garde version of Adam Sandler.

"What about Jack Sparrow?"

Nope. That is simply Depp turned up a notch similar to pro wrestlers getting into character.

No, to tap into that reserve of talent isn't simply bumping it up a notch. It's immersing yourself in the character and turning it up to eleven. Depp does that in Black Mass, engulfing himself in evil as James "Whitey" Bulger. At times you almost feel guilty for enjoying his performance so much. His scenes are just pure evil, with the littlest of motions able to make your skin crawl. His thick, raspy Boston accent exudes a next-level nastiness.

The basic premise behind the film is that FBI agent John Connolly (Joel Edgerton) needs to take down the Italian mafia. He sees Bulger as that key, and will sacrifice his moral compass for the glory that comes with such a high profile coup.

The scene where they discuss the deal and its benefits takes place in a small alleyway, with Bulger creeping up on Connolly. It's the baddest man in town with the guy who is supposed to represent all that is good in the world. While I want to bring to mind Bulger being the Joker to Connolly's Batman, it's more fitting to make Connolly in to Harvey Dent. He's supposed to be the best of the best, but at his deepest is just as corruptible as anyone else. But Bulger is definitely the Joker, and Depp's tour de force performance makes me recall how the depths in which Heath Ledger went to play the Joker in 2008's Dark Knight.

This review would not be complete without a brief shout-out to the make-up crew as well.  Transforming Depp into the notorious murderer could have gone awry in the wrong hands, but the hair, skin, eyes and even his teeth are very accurate and supplement the realness of Depp's Bulger.

While there are more than a few graphic scenes in the film, the one that stands out most to me is the bone-chilling scene where Bulger is over at Connolly's house for dinner. Connolly discloses his wife's absence is because she is sick, yet that does not deter Bulger. He heads to the bedroom, knocks on the door, surprising Marianne Connolly (Julianne Nicholson). He proceeds to call her bluff and violate her subtly, checking for a fever by placing his hand on her face and throat all the while making her feel incredibly uneasy with his choice of words.

"We wouldn't want anything to happen to you, now would we?"

His vague threats are enough to cause her to break down immediately, and for the viewer to wonder what the hell just happened.

On the flip side of the coin is a Bulger that actually has a heart. He is riding in the car in one scene and asks the driver to stop so he can check in on an older woman who he holds in high regard, greeting her with a hug and assisting her with her bags. His heart is later on display when he interacts with his son who later dies, flipping an absolutely evil switch in Bulger that can't be turned off.

This film was designed to glamorize the life of Bulger, yet Bulger's camp doesn't seem too impressed by it despite glowing reviews across the board.

"Johnny Depp might as well have been playing the Mad Hatter all over again as far as James Bulger is concerned," Bulger's defense attorney Hank Brennan says. "Hollywood greed is behind the rush to portray my client, and the movie missed the real scourge created in my client's case, the real menace to Boston during that time and in other mob cases around the country – the federal government's complicity in each and every one of those murders with the top echelon informant program."

Also not impressed by the film? The victims' families.

While Edgerton's Connolly is at first thought to be the protagonist, it's Depp's vehicle to get Bulger over making him a rare dual protagonist/antagonist- a one man ying-yang.

The movie is also designed to remind people of Depp's abilities. This is not to take away from a stacked cast which includes Kevin Bacon, Corey Stoll, David Harbour, Peter Sarsgaard, Dakota Johnson, Jesse Plemons and Benedict Cumberbatch. While 2007's The Departed comes to mind as a movie that was stocked with plenty of questionable Boston accents, everyone's in Black Mass comes off as legitimate and not over the top.

Black Mass is at a respectable two hours and two minutes, and does not drag on at all. Every scene serves a purpose and tells the narrative quite well. If you are looking for accuracy, though, check out Whitey: United States of America v. James Bulger:


All in all, it's a superb film from director Scott Cooper who manages to capture the gritty look and feel of 1970's/1980's Boston, and a range of emotions not only from Depp, but his entire cast.

Rating: *****

Why This Season's TUF is DOA

 

Look at that picture above. 

Does it get you hyped for this season's Ultimate Fighter? If you said no, then you'd be correct. The duo of fighters look like a mix between Braveheart and a zombie. The latter is rather fitting seeing as this season was dead on arrival before any punches were thrown or words were said. 

Why you ask? Find out below. 

WHERE'S THE BEEF?

Supposedly this whole thing began when the two got into a minor scuffle in the hallways of UFC 189. It was what it was...nothing. Yet determined to blow it out of proportion and force an issue, the two were signed on as coaches this season. Even Faber admits it's all for the cameras, and McGregor is a decent fellow. 

“I speak my mind, I love to fight, he speaks his mind, he loves to fight, and we don’t take crap. So that’s where things get heated up. But as a person, he’s a decent dude when he’s being real," Faber told MMA Junkie.

Maybe the UFC was scared off by a potential language barrier with Aldo?

NO BLOWOFF TO THE "FEUD"

The premise of TUF has always been the two coaches squaring off at the end of the season. The tension is supposed to build to a fever pitch, so that by the time the card rolls around you want to see who the better fighter is. But in this case, we won't. 

Urijah Faber and Connor McGregor aren't even in the same division. And even if they were? Faber is 36 and past his prime. His best days were in the WEC, and even then Faber struggled to beat fellow top tier WEC fighters such as Jose Aldo, Mike Brown and Dominick Cruz.

On the other hand, McGregor is 26 and on a scintillating tear through the featherweight division. He silenced doubters by dispatching of Chad Mendes in two rounds back in July, which only made his brash arrogance grow even more. His confidence may seem over the top to some, but who can fault a guy for being wildly successful in the world's number one mixed martial arts promotion and talking about it? Even Chuck Liddell can't. 

 NO, WE AREN'T ENTERTAINED

Just like the Joker needs Batman and vice versa, McGregor- ever the antagonist- needs his own protagonist to play off of. And I don't even mean physically- because that is a tall task. No, I mean verbally. Even if Faber were younger, in the same division and could take it to the Irishman in the octagon....his trash talking leaves a ton to be desired. Any time McGregor lands a devastating verbal blow, Faber fails to retaliate on the same level- if at all. It just seems like the little brother is bullying the big one, and not in an entertaining way. 

GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS 

While the coaches are used to sell the show (and McGregor does his part), ultimately it's just two guys pretending there's a beef where there isn't. Episode 2 already saw Ryan Hall win again with a leglock, starting a smaller scale Rousey-like level of submission precision. When it's all said and done, it's likely the fights and competitors will be Season 22's biggest stars.

That is definitely a plus for them, but leaves a lot more to be desired from people tuning in for fireworks and drama. 

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know @SeanNeutron.