Thursday, May 16, 2013

A Breakdown of Former Michigan State Recruit Jay Harris' Rap Video

It was recently reported by multiple outlets that one-time Michigan State recruit Jay Harris recorded a scandalous rap video.


In a deceiving 3 minutes and 26 seconds (it fades to black a full minute ahead at 2:30) he figuratively rips his scholarship to shreds. The former Exton (Pa.) Downington East High receiver discusses such thought-provoking material like marijuana and females doing socially unacceptable things.

Most kids would realize the err of their ways and have feelings related to shame and regret. 

Not Mr. Jay Harris, or as he is known in the rap game- Mr. Jay DatBull (his rap alter ago) seemed proud and unabashed, crediting a new found courage in which he would finally let his parents know his future plans. I'm sure they are thrilled.

“I’ve always had this in the back of my head, but never had the courage to tell my parents that this is what I want to do,” Harris told the Inquirer.

At the time news broke, he had around 50,000 views. His video currently has over 700,000 views likely due to the controversial nature of it. 

It would be one thing if his "flow" were "ridiculous" and "crazy sick"- as the kids say. Unfortunately, while I am no rap connoisseur, I am left with the feeling he is miles away from anything deemed worthy of those two terms. 

But what would a scandalous video be without an analysis of it?

 a. The video begins with who else? Jay Datbull. He seems to be partaking in an illegal activity. This screams "ground-breaking" all over it. 

b. Nice location by the way- some very random shed that has been furnished. How thoughtful. Although the interior decorator should be fired because the wallpaper is questionable.

c. Anybody else remember when having a button up shirt with the top button buttoned without a tie on made you a dork? .....Then I remember fashion trends work in cycles.

"DatBull 4 Life" is the anthem and he wastes no time in informing you that he is in fact Jay DatBull for the rest of his existence on Earth. He smartly chose to perform behind that rail-like barrier. protecting him from any possible irresponsible drivers. Mr. Harris does think sometimes. 

 He only exchanges dap with one of his friends in this shot. Aren't any of his other friends jealous?

"You know" is said over and over again. Apparently we know some sort of information. Well, nothing like assuming, Jay. The constant "look back at my friends for assurance that I am dope" is a little distracting.

Whose artistic vision chose an outdoor picnic area for this wonderful occasion? Were there any families harmed by hearing these poetic words?

I have come to the conclusion thirty-eight seconds in that this young man has a questionable moral compass.If you are married, stay clear of Mr. DatBull. He will apparently take your wife and any other female you hold dearly to you.

Add "generic SUV" to list of locations. More suspected illegal smoking? Shocker. 

"Maybe the viewer doesn't realize I am smoking. Let me blow smoke into the camera. Yeah, that's a great idea," thought Jay.

I am also assuming that "rolling trees" does not describe how Jay DatBull transports newly-chopped down trees into the woodchipper.

Forget the D? Sounds like the 2012 Houston Rockets season.

Tip #738 for aspiring rappers: Throw as many gang signs in a shot as possible, even if you have no idea what they mean.

With all of these young men out at the park, I hope it was not a school day. Will any of them be there for when his rap career fails to pan out? I bet not. 

"Words like a poet/ on my Van Gogh (expletive)."

I admire the attempt at a Post-Impressionism reference, but the whole "I'm smoking dope" theme is very distracting. 

A real artist would have cut off his ear at this point, Jay. 

 "Only God can judge me."

This is typically a phrase said by people in the midst of doing very frowned-upon things, such as smoking marijuana and defiantly declaring their passion for womanizing.

He references himself and Michael Jordan by mimicking a very bad jumper. Better form, Jay- plant your feet and follow through. Also, Jordan smoked cigars- not marijuana.

A very weak and disjointed effort at a secret handshake that only his one friend gets while the rest are content to watch the debacle unfold.

We are again reminded by the fact that Jay will have the last name DatBull for the rest of his time on Earth, unless he goes to the DMV and changes it. It would be fitting if he moves to Italy and enjoys running all the time.

Everyone except two gentleman on the right get to sit on the picnic table. It's a very exclusive picnic table- full of young men who enjoy marijuana, bad raps, horrible dance moves and most likely skipping school.

"DatBull" is displayed in the bottom left corner of a black screen before it goes completely black. Yes, the last full minute of this video is empty space.

"How DARE you rob me of a full minute of this video," said no one.

Final Thought:

I want my money back. Wait- I didn't spend any on this atrocity? Well, I want my time back. In four years, Jay Harris will wish he could have his scholarship back, too. 

But at least he'll still have the last name DatBull.

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Contact me on Twitter  @SeanNeutron

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